life update, or in case you were wondering why i've been such a negligent blogger (bloggeuse?)

So, friends, here's some major changes in my glamorous, exciting existence:

*I've recently bid a fair adieu to the ol' attic. Mr. Starks and I decided to go to seperate living situations before we had any more awkward moments/freezing cold winters/blisteringly hot summers/infestations. So now I'm shackin' up on the east side with my friend Jess, who has introduced me to the wonders of raw food and health drinks that may or may not contain vodka. Also, my personal smokin' porch has a lovely view of the neighboring Hy Vee parking lot and a cemetery.

*I'm searchin' for a nanny job in New York next summer. So far, the search has been fruitless, but hopefully I'll get hired on pure quirkyness and experience. Come to think of it, that's probably how I got all my jobs.

*Just got done reading Nabokov's Lolita . More on that later, when I have more time alotted on the library computer (my laptop is still taking it's sabbatical.)

*I'm going to be Sexy Hunter S. Thompson for Halloween. Yes, that's right. I'm actually doing something creative this year. And yes, it will include a green plastic Vegas visor and daisy dukes.

Love, d.

floodwaters: a late night revelation

Life will always move in cycles. We can try to hold back the flood waters, but we will only drown in the end.
I must let go of the daydream of my past before I can love again. Only then will I be free....

marriage, schmarriage

"If wanting two mutually exclusive things at once is neurotic, then I'm neurotic as hell. I'll be flying back and forth between two mutually exclusive things for the rest of my days."-Sylvia Plath

This has always been my favorite quote by Sylvia Plath. I think it perfectly describes my life and the decisions I've made. A lot of people have suggested that I'm always courting misery, but I don't think that's true at all. I tend to adapt easily and make the best of the situation I'm in, but I'm always wondering what would have have happened if I had made different decisions. I used to feel this way about certain relationships I've had, I've always worried about if I end up alone, and sometimes I still do. However, as I've grown up, it's growing to be less and less of a concern for me whether or not I "end up with someone/the right person".

Women are often depicted as wedding and marriage-obsessed. Even women are usually assumed as being the more needy half of a relationship. I'd like to break that stereotype here. No, I haven't planned my own wedding to a T (except when I was almost-sorta engaged once. Long story, brief relationship). I don't have a binder full of gown styles and floral arrangements (like Elliott on Scrubs, although I do catch myself saying "Frick!" a lot). I'm not considering the "potential" in the guys I date, even ones I've dated exclusively. I'm not seeking financial independence in a guy. Not that pre-law majors would want to marry a chain-smoking, sailor-mouthed writer anyway.

I don't think I'm jaded. It's definately not that. I'm just very comfortable with my situation and my lifestyle. I'm not "depressed" and "lonely" when I'm not in a relationship. I guess that's because it's been over a year since I've had a relationship last more than two months long, but I don't blame myself. I eventually had to admit that I'm young by most people's standards. I'm not going to put a time limit on finding my counterpart. They'll find me whenever. I'm not going to hunt them down. And in the meantime, I will enjoy my life as it is, write without distractions, and selfishly indulge myself. Because I can. If I have the rest of my life to spend with someone, then I'll leave that to the rest of my life.

That, and I'm not a religious person, so I'm probs going to skip all that business. Unless this guy is presiding:


-d

blog-struck

In the words of my ex-bf, Mike. "Famous people don't impress me". I'm pretty much in the same camp, however there are a few bloggers that I would probably get all giggly and star struck around.

1. Tracie Egan
I've admired the formerly monikered "Slut Machine" for quite some time. Her blogs on One D at a Time are funny, clever, and relevant, plus she works for my favorite site ever, Jezebel.com. Not to mention, she doles out advice while being totally ripasaurus rex. Basically, she doesn't take herself too seriously (as seen from the Lindsay Lohan parody photo above).

2. Jess and Josh
These two make me want to move to New York and somehow find some sneaky way to become their best friend. I also like the fact that they write blogs regularly instead of people like me, who put it off until I'm really bored. It's probably the only blog by college students that I actually read and enjoy. Unlike Tucker Max, whom I would punch in the face with no remorse.


3. Jessica Morgan and Heather Cocks
Go Fug Yourself.com was the beginning of my love affair with blogs. It got me through the dark days of community college. I remember almost falling off one of ILCC's computer lab chairs laughing at one of their Britney Spears' letters after she shaved her head.

4. Kim
of What Claudia Wore, and recently What Chuck Wore. She also makes me giggle on a regular basis. And I covet her wardrobe.

american apparel has moved past "tongue in cheek..."

...I'm going to refrain from a dirty joke here. Sorry, frat boys.
Anyway, the model above isn't just another half-drunk looking hipster doing that same thing my cat does when she's in heat. It's an actual, real life porn star. Dov has done it again.
I kind of wonder whether this advertizing move is clever or seriously deranged. I mean, everyone already said American Apparel ads looked like porn, and now he's using actual porn stars in his ads, as if to say "Suck my Salvador Dali mustache, bitches! Now it's indisputable: my ads really are porn! You were right! I am a misogynistic asshole!"

They're already trying to bring back scrunchies, and now, this.

ana and mia: two ladies I won't be hanging out with. ever.

The other day, I did some research on "pro-ana" and "pro-mia" websites and forums after reading an article about them. Luckily, a lot of them had been removed, but there's still some that are going strong. It's been a long time since an image on the internet really, legitimately scared me, and this did. Seriously.
Most of the websites I went to, like proanamia.com and the Cerulean Butterfly like to personify the disease Anorexia Nervosa as "Ana" (in kind, Bulimia Nervosa was "Mia"). The women and girls on these websites take a vow to Ana, write letters to Ana, and see her as their teacher/guide into the very scary world of eating disorders. The women and girls on these sites see it as a "lifestyle choice", much like being a vegetarian or vegan. There were tips to hide the fact that they weren't eating, such as, wear loose clothing, pretend you are a vegetarian or vegan (Which I think is an insult to vegetarians. I was one for three and a half years and I was nowhere near anorexic.), move food around your plate when you're out to dinner and only take a few bites while people are watching, and, my personal favorite, chew water . Yes. Chew water.
There were also "thinspirations", or pretty much runway models who had phrases like "Are you sure you want to eat that?" over their heads. A lot of people with eating disorders whine about how the media effects their body image, that it's all pretty much the evil, sinister American media that "made" them starve themselves to the point of near death.
Here's my take on it: Yes, the media does have some effect on women and girls' self-image. But let me ask them this: Do you really want to let the same thing that spawns reality television and home shopping networks be the cause of your demise? Do you want the cause of your death to be American Apparel and Dov fucking Charney? Seriously?
Is it really that tough of a concept to realize that runway models are skinny for a very, very obvious reason? They have to fit into a size two, because that's the sample size the majority of designers use. Do you know why? Because it takes less fabric to make the garment, and is therefore cheaper. The garment they sell in stores or is custom made for someone comes in larger sizes. Runway models are literally supposed to be human hangers. Yeah, it would be nice to see a model that's, oh, a size 6, but the thing is, couture isn't an issue for a middle class sixteen year old. More affectionate and supportive parents are. If you're not a runway model, you should probably stop trying to look like one.
I also like that the media's answer to this is to use ads featuring models/actresses who are overweight/obese. No! That's not how we solve this problem! Is being healthy really all that bad? I don't think it's right that the average size of the American woman is a 14. I wouldn't think it's right if it was a size 2 either. Is it so hard to find out what your healthy weight is and deal with it?

Time to add "therapist" to the list of careers I should not pursue.

-d

women and tattoo culture

I spend most of my free time hanging out at the tattoo shop where my roommate is apprenticing. Mostly for lack of a second job and anything better to do. It's located in a sketchy mall above a couple of local bro bars, so there's the occassional junkie wandering through to use the bathroom to do whatever they please. The shop shares space with a pirate radio station, art and writing studio (where I occssionally venture to hang out with my fellow poets/nerds and write), hippie art and clothing store owned by one of my favorite couples ever, a glass shop, and another piercing studio. It's a second home to me, and once in awhile the resident piercer makes REALLY strong coffee.

Spending time there, however, has made me realize a lot of things about how the tattoo culture relates to women that are kind of sad. I've heard conversations and seen images while in the shop that would make some more radical feminists than I cringe and possibly throw things.

First of all, the entire staff is male, save one artist. This, I think, is a pretty good sample group of the tattoo world. There are very few female artists, especially ones that gain national fame (with the exception of Kat Von D). I think that's probably because tattoo culture started as a pretty masculine thing, with sailors and soldiers getting tattoos, and having it be pretty much accepted. Women who got tattoos back in, say, World War II era were probably either circus people or prostitutes.

That old stereotype leads me to my next point: women who are featured in tattoo magazines today, or women who have a lot of visible tattoos are generally thought of pretty much in the same way. The tattoo magazines I've looked through have featured women who basically look like porn stars.
Example:

or women who desperately want to be Bettie Page:

or some other cliche pinup schtick:


I think this whole objectification of tattooed "alternative" looking women is probably at least partially Suicide Girls' fault. Men automatically think a girl with visible tattoos is automatically going to show him her tits and do "crazy" sexual things that the average sorority girl-next-door wouldn't. (I guess it goes back to the whole "prostitutes and circus people" stereotype). Therefore, I, who have visible tattoos and plan to get more, don't want to be expected to start dying my hair pink, get short cropped bangs, and start buying a bunch of pseudo-S&M shit from Hot Topic.
This sort of makes me also think of the concept of the pinup girl. A lot of guys in the industry consider the pinup style "art". I can't say I completely disagree, but I see a lot of things wrong with it. A pin-up is the epitome of the 1950s' ideal of femininity was. Unquestioningly smiling, looking cute, wearing high heels and lingerie, placed in whatever position she's told. A pin-up is whatever you want her to be, and I, for one, won't subscribe to that aesthetic, be it in my personal style or the tattoos I get.
Mostly because of asshats like this woman: http://jezebel.com/5229722/you-madam-are-no-bettie-page who take it FAR too seriously.

Now here's a pin-up I can appreciate...


-d.